


A Universe With More Stars

by aheadfulloffollies



Category: Renegades - Marissa Meyer
Genre: F/F, Yearning, memories and prose, sapphic yearning and reminiscing, very gay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:08:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 881
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27657976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aheadfulloffollies/pseuds/aheadfulloffollies
Summary: Narcissa wonders if she'll ever feel love again if she still holds the memories of her relationship with Nova dear.
Relationships: Nova Artino | Nightmare/Narcissa Cronin
Kudos: 4





	A Universe With More Stars

They didn’t speak of it.

Not the late-night glances and wandering through the library. Not the stories and history they shared or even the gentle kisses and soulful stargazing or the _I-love-you_ s that came after. Narcissa thought maybe this was why she was reminded of it so much. It would be easy to let the memories go if they blew out the flame together. But Nova was busy and Narcissa was anxious, so she never asked. Instead, she looked anxiously at the fire they’d lit all those years ago that burned still and wondered how many things within her it had turned to ashes. Would she be able to love again- in all its changes and unpredictable beauty- she considered, with an air of nervous melancholy, if she still held on to what love had been before?

The inexplicable thing was that neither of them were longing for it. Not anymore. Maybe at first. It had ended with the same gentle passion it lived with, ten times more abrupt but a dreamlike aura of wishing on stars marking it undeniably as _theirs_. Nova’s and Narcissa’s.

Indeed, she wished on a number of stars at first. Schedar for comfort, Caph for revival, Ruchbah for a rekindling of what they grew. All from Cassiopeia, the constellation they looked to the most. But she was too old to believe in the stardust in the sky anymore. It was too far away, a distant hope compared to the walking, breathing pulse of magic in every person she met. People granted their own wishes, she decided. They were all their own brightest stars.

The fact, however, was that with what had been in Narcissa and Nova, there was nothing left to wish on. Friendship had returned to them, and it was what they were far more suited for in this life.

Besides, they both had what they wanted and needed. Adrian gave Nova a star and Danna gave Narcissa the warmth of one. The garden erected with the memorial to their love was grown over now, nothing but a well-loved memory.

The issue Narcissa was faced with was not to do with love. She still had that for Nova in spades, if not in the same way as before. The issue was that, somewhere in between her mind and her heart, a torch burned in the middle of memories where flowers tried to grow. The flowers were a natural ebb and flow, growth and death, life and nothingness. But the flame was a constant passion, reminding her day by day of something she no longer had or longed for.

She had to let it grow. A memorial to romance could become an alter to friendship if she let it, but that required blowing out the flame.

Blowing out the fire required strength, and that was something Narcissa had never had much of. And, she had to admit, she still had questions. Stamped somewhere in the very back of her mind, she wondered if Nova thought of what they’d had too. If she thought of Narcissa has a childish folly or a true love, or maybe both or even neither.

That was the strangest thing about it. While in her own mind, Narcissa pictured what they once felt as true and strong and beautiful, Nova could think something entirely different. Her memorial could be filled with hate and stupidity and screaming as easily as it could laughter and soft hands and rosegold. And she wanted to _know_ , no matter what was inside. It was as much hers as it was Nova’s, she thought. And if all Nova wanted was for her to scoop up the ashes and store them in her own mind, she would.

But she didn’t think that was it. She’d been there, and she had and did know Nova. It was too magnificent to burn. Too bright to be gone from her mind completely.

Yes, she thought mildly. Their love had been great. It was constellations and closed eyes, dusty books and adventures, quiet and passionate all the same. Maybe, in some other universe with more stars and more goodness and more hope, it had never gone away the way it did in this one.

The fire still burned. It reminded Narcissa of playing pranks on Ingrid and listening aptly to Gene as he rambled about some ancient text, Nova teaching her how to sneak through a window and Narcissa teaching her how to dance like in a movie. Them teaching each other how to wish on the stardust around them rather than in the sky, so long as they were together.

It should stay lit a while longer, she decided. Maybe it could teach her to have wonder again, remind her enough of what love had felt like once upon a time that she might know if it reappeared again. Or maybe it would teach her nothing, remaining a pointless tether to the unshakable feeling that by holding on, she was letting go of something else. That it would not teach her love but hinder it.

But that was a problem for another day, and right now, the shine of whispered promises and inside jokes and first loves in the back of her mind decided it for her: it was worth it.


End file.
